Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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