Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
