i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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