I hate your face
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
