You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
