It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize