don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
