a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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