I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
