i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
