and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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