i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
