Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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