Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
