we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
