things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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