Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
