Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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