I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
