If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just pee around me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
