I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
