Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
