JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
