you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
