My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
