Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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