1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
