I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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