So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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