I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
