I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
