Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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