This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
