High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
