Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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