I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
