I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
