One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
