connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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