Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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