you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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