You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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