I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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