Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize