I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am one with the molecules
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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