what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
