i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
