He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
