Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
