Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize