In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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