I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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