Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
