best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
