Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
