For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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