New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
