what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
