This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
