i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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