i love accidental penises.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
