i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
