ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
