Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize