The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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