If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Text me some of your sweat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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