Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
