he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
