Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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