I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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