I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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