i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
