dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
