She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
