It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
