Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
