Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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