ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
