I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
