Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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