I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
