so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
