do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
