Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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