Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
