just tell him i said nine months
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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