I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
