He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize