i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
