The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
