we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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