i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
