I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
