It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
