hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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