Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
