I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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