I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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