just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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